Scaredy Cat

This post should really be called "Change" but I liked this photo too much.

So with two weeks left of life as I know it, I thought I'd get the obligatory nostalgic post out of the way.

I can't remember the last day I didn't get a knot in my stomach thinking about how soon everything I know will be over.

OK, maybe I'm being a little over-the-top but the title did grab your attention didn't it? Yes, I know it did.

Anyhow, the thought of University and beyond TERRIFIES me.

Never again will I put on a slightly-too-large uniform and rush into school to see all my friends in their slightly-too-large uniforms and complain about our slightly-too-large uniforms. I won't ever have another 9am-4pm day where I come home and count down the days to the next 18th birthday. I won't watch Glee on a Sunday evening with my mum. I won't be at school any more. I won't even be in the same half of the country any more.

After rereading the previous paragraph, I admit it doesn't seem terrifying at all. And perhaps I'm just a nostalgic and melodramatic person but I really don't like change.

Why don't people like change? Is it the worry that these are your glory days and it's never going to be as good as this ever again?

Is it because change always comes at the end of something else? So it's not the change, it's the END before the change that we hate the idea of?

Or is it the idea of having to start something new?  Perhaps we don't mind the end of something. Perhaps it's the making new friends/creating a new self-image/"the first day" syndrome that's the hard part.

Ah so many questions. And no answers. Just horrible stomach-knotting feelings.

Most of my friends can't wait to get to University... does this mean that they are less bothered about change?
It's not as if they liked school any less than me. In fact, some of the troopers have been at my school since nappies which is at least double the time I've been there.

So maybe it's not that they feel any less terrified than me.. maybe they're just less vocal about it.

So why do some people deal with change a lot better than others?

I'm sure my friends will all be having a competition on the last day of school to see who can make me cry over the most trivial thing. But why do I respond to change in a more negative way than other people? But maybe that's the point. Maybe I don't.

Maybe that's the hard thing about change: we all live individual lives, so we all have individual memories and experiences about the thing that's coming to an end, so we all feel alone and suffer slightly different stomach-knotting feelings to everyone else because we're in our own individual sad and nostalgic bubbles.

Oh look, a sad and nostalgic bubble.

Wow, it turns out writing about this is quite therapeutic.

OK, you've suffered through my selfish thoughts long enough. I promise the next post will not be so self-indulgent or bleak.

I've just counted, and I used the word maybe: (not including this time) 6 times; and the word perhaps: 3 times.

So obviously I don't actually have a clue about any of this. If you,  YES YOU, have ANY ANSWERS then PLEASE don't hesitate to contribute.

Oh dear, this whole post had been pretty useless. It's just the ramblings of a sad and nostalgic person with a knotted stomach living their life in their own sad and nostalgic bubble.

That's all for now, folks.